Arunachala Shiva!!! We give away, ourselves, to you...

"Arunachala!" He worshipped, "take away all my worries and problems. Help me!"

The rich man went hurrying inside the long corridor to present his prayers at the Indra Lingam temple. It was a long and narrow corridor. He had asked his car driver to go ahead and park at the Sri Ramanashram and wait for him as he would come around on his Girivalam walk. "Arunachala!" He thought "This is your Girivalam, and I am definitely want to walk all around the sacred place again. I offer my prayers, please, let me complete the pradakshana with your permission. You are my ultimate protector and you are my entire world. I surrender to you, my beloved Arunachala!"

The priest at the inner sanctum welcomed him, for he had been coming on the Girivalam regularly and he was well known at all the ashtalingams. The priests were friendly to him. He always offered his prayers at each of the ashtalingams. He would walk only when the inner sanctums were open and the priest permitted prayers. He would wait at the ashtalingams for 3-4 hours if the inner sanctum was closed. He would not move ahead on the Girivalam path without offering prayers at the ashtalingams.

Dressed in his suit and tie, Mr. Alavandar, the rich man, was looking very different from all the other pilgrims at the Indra Lingam temple. He had rushed out of a meeting that he had at his bankers and local business partners. His office assistant who accompanied him was very familiar with his strange schedule. His boss would remove his suit, tie and trousers at the outer sanctum and don a very simple veshti, a white cotton dhoti, and a very thin linen towel that he would place over his shoulders as a shawl. He would sprinkle water from the century old traditional well at the outer sanctum and present himself at the Indra Lingam. His boss would change completely, the assistant thought, proud of his boss. This was his routine, every three months, driving in from Srirangam, and placing his total surrender to Arunachala.

Three elderly brothers, fellow pilgrims, seated nearby in the outer sanctum watched the rich man's changeover with extreme interest. They noted that the simple dhoti and the white towel that he had now worn, were very old, looked shabby and absolutely worn out. They waited until the rich man went up to the inner sanctum. They asked his assistant, "Who is this man whom you are helping? He seems to be a very rich man, and he has now dressed up as a very simple person. Is he going to go on the Girivalam path like this? Does he walk alone?" The assistant simply nodded in agreement, but he did not reply. He rushed after his boss to be of service.

Mr. Alavandar stood in front of the inner sanctum, and prayed silently. His assistant seemed to anticipate his moves and needs completely. He handed over flowers, coconut, garlands, camphor, incense sticks and ash in a small plastic bag to his boss. The rich man emptied every item reverentially on a stainless steel plate offered by the priest, carefully folded the plastic bag and handed it back. From a small sandalwood box, the assistant picked out a rudraksha necklace and passed it on to the rich man who placed it on the plate with the other offerings. The priest took everything inside the sanctum, conducted the prayers and brought them back. The rich man took out only the rudraksha necklace and wore it around his neck, placed some ash on his forehead and went about walking around the inner sanctum.

Having completed his rounds, he went over to a corner of the outer sanctum and sat on the bare floor, closed his eyes and went into a meditative trance, almost in an instant. The assistant walked over to the farthest corner opposite his boss and sat down peacefully. He knew that it would be more than an hour for his boss to continue in his meditation. The three elderly brothers watched Mr. Alavandar in fascination. They were extremely impressed in the manner of his devotion and dedication. They went over to where the assistant sat, and settled themselves around him. One of the brothers asked the assistant, "Your boss looks so focused and so determined in his worship. Its absolutely amazing. If someone would not have seen him in his costly suit, tie and trousers, they would not know that he is the same man from his appearance now, so simple and so traditional."

The assistant smiled at the appreciation for his boss and replied, "I have known him for the past ten years now, and I am blessed because of him. I travel with him all through the year and we visit many temples around the country. He combines his work and business with his devotion. Because of him, I get to visit so many temples and participate in all prayers and ceremonies. Just imagine, I have a job where I am paid to go to temples and visit the best of places. I have stopped questioning his methods and intent."

The eldest brother heard him peacefully and nodded wisely, and said, "Who knows how Arunachala calls us to HIM? Your boss comes in search of HIM, but for you, HE creates this opportunity. Why should one argue? Do you not meditate, then? Have you not learnt how to meditate? You are so lucky to be with him. But, does he not teach you about meditation? Do you know his prayers or do you know if he chants some quiet mantra to help him in his meditation?"

The assistant thought for a while, trying to recollect, and answered, "How would you learn meditation? I guess you would start and make mistakes. My boss always said that you need a teacher, for one to learn meditation. You cannot start just by watching him or anyone else. The most peaceful looking clerk in a government office may be thinking about a million problems. The busiest housewife, working at a wedding meals for more persons than she has ever cooked for, may be very peaceful in her mind. Similarly, as my boss says, he has never been able to perfect his skills in meditation. He says that he fails each time and loses his concentration. I never have been able to figure out about the moment when he actually loses his concentration. He always looks like he is in a trance."

The three elderly brothers and Mr. Alavandar's assistant watched him quietly, in reverence and awe. They were impressed by the manner in which he had just gone to the corner, sat down, and immediately withdrawn into himself. There were many other pilgrims nearby, with families talking loudly. The priest was making some sound in pulling up water from the deep well. An electrician and a painter were dragging a long aluminium ladder around. Mr. Alavandar did not seem to get disturbed by all the sound and chatter.

One of the brothers, probably the youngest, asked Mr. Alavandar's assistant, "How can your boss not get disturbed by all that sound? I know that I would. How can he meditate so peacefully? So much sound and so much disturbance. The sound of that ladder as it is dragged. Even if I am not in meditation, I am irritated and angry by that sound. How can he not become angry and scold them for not noticing his meditation?"

The assistant laughed. He said, "Once, 5-6 years ago, at one of the ashtalingams, I forget which one, a man scolded his children for making too much noise when my boss was meditating. That man's two children began to speak in whispers. My boss got disturbed by the children speaking in whispers. He spoke to the man and his children and apologised for disturbing them. He went out of the temple and sat under a tree, even as it was raining, and sat there quietly. Later, when the family went on ahead on their Girivalam, my boss came back to his earlier spot and continued with his meditation."

The three elderly brothers also laughed in appreciation. The eldest brother asked, "Who taught him meditation, then? Was there some well known guru? Did he have to learn for a long time? I have also tried to learn meditation, and that is why I ask this question. I have learnt different types of meditation but I am not able  to commit myself properly. Something or the other always prevents me from sitting down to meditation. I have many problems in my life. I have lost my job on several occasions. Sometimes there is no money, actual money, even for day to day expenses. My mind goes crazy and tells me to do crazy things. All those meditation classes did not help. My two brothers also face similar problems. That is why we have come here to Arunachala. To search for our future path and direction."

The assistant replied, "Better that you ask him. He is not a businessman in those clothes. He becomes a complete pilgrim and a devotee. He talks to everyone. If anyone asks him any personal questions, he knows how to avoid them without being rude. After he comes out of his meditation, he will sit here, at the Indra Lingam temple for some time. He is happy here, because this is the beginning of the Girivalam for him. He will go slowly from here, to the Agni Lingam and later, again, he will spend more time at Sri Ramanashram. He does the Girivalam walk by taking more than a day and night. He goes very slowly."

"A day and a night? Wow!" The eldest brother remarked, "We have usually done our slowest Girivalam in five hours, and that was also because it was raining very heavily and I had slipped on the path. It would be a blessing indeed to talk to him here at the Indra Lingam and accompany him for some time on the path. Let us wait for him to get back to this world, for I think, he must have gone away somewhere else, otherwise how can someone not get disturbed by all those sounds and activities?"

The three elderly brothers and Mr. Alavandar's assistant sat quietly, busy in their own contemplation of their lives, and waited. One of the brothers went out of the temple and filled up tea in an used mineral water bottle and fetched it inside, with plastic cups. Without any query, along with the priest, they shared the tea among themselves. It felt nice. It was just the right thing for that moment.

After a while, Mr. Alavandar began to move about at his seat and stood up and walked around, stretching his hands and began doing some simple calisthenics. He went back to the well and washed up and came up to the inner sanctum and offered prayers. His assistant sat calmly, behind the inner sanctum, waiting, for he knew that his boss would not require him at this moment. Soon enough, Mr. Alavandar walked up to his assistant and sat down on the ground with him, resting his back on the temple walls, and relaxed. He seemed quite content about his day, and did not look like a man with any agenda or in any hurry.

The three elderly brothers sat nearby, and judging by the expression on their faces, and their eager vibrations that were very obvious, Mr. Alavandar looked at them, smiled, and asked, "You are very curious, are you not? What has my man, Pattabhi, been telling you about me? Are you also on the Girivalam path? You are welcome to walk with me. I enjoy the company. But, Pattabhi would have told you that I go very slowly. If you want to journey together with me, you will have to walk slowly. Is that ok?"

The eldest brother replied, "Swamy, we do not want to disturb you. We will certainly go with you because there is much to learn from you. How is it that you seem to enjoy every moment of the Girivalam and you have come here so many times, as your assistant informed, every three months, and yet, you walk so slowly, and take up so much time on the path? We had come together, for we are brothers all, myself, Kuchela, my younger brothers, Gopinath and Bhaskar. It was difficult for us to come together and travel together. Our families are very different, and we are not able to get away. But, you come here repeatedly, and you take so much time. Does it not affect your work?"

Mr. Alavandar gestured with both his hands to the heavens, in the direction of the sacred Arunachala, and replied, "Who would dare argue with HIM? I am called here, and I am here. Even if I come on the Girivalam path, every three months, there is some inner message. It pulls me here, and I come without fail. But, I have seen over these many years when I have been in his shadow, I have never felt that I have lost my time in business or with my family. Sometimes, when I walk, I think of my work, and sometimes, I think about my family. My man, Pattabhi, is always close by, in my car, or sometimes walking with me. I know that they respect my time here, and that reverence is enough for me. My family loves the fact that I walk here. And, that is good enough for me."

Gopinath, one of the elderly brothers, asked, "Swamy, you are truly an inspiration. Your family must be inspired by your devotion to the sacred Arunachala. We are curious. Your assistant-sir told us that you spend a lot of time at the Indra Lingam temple before starting on the Girivalam path. Why do you do that? Is it not OK to spend more time at the big temple to Annamalai and later be able to take rest at some of the ashtalingams when one is tired? Why do you stay here for such a long time?"

"This is the first of the ashtalingams," Mr. Alavandar said, "That much you are aware, I am sure. But, do you remember, that whenever you complete your Girivalam walk, you are at the Esanya Lingam temple, and you walk through the burial and cremation grounds. That end point signifies that you are nothing. You are over. Your life is completed. You are simply a mound of ash, burnt at the pyre. You surrender totally to Shiva as Esanyan. But, after that end point, you go back to the great temple of Annamalai and you submit to HIS blessings and instructions before going back to your family or place from where you have come from to take part in the Girivalam."

"Similarly, when you return to the Girivalam," He continued, "You start at the Indra Lingam temple, or you start at the Annamalai temple and come to this place. When you come here, you take an oath or a promise or an affirmation, that you have left behind everything to start on this circular journey around the sacred Arunachala. You proclaim to yourself that you have left behind your family, your work, your commitments and your worries and sorrow, your happiness and joy, your burden and your friends. You come here as a mendicant, and you proclaim that you are nobody. It is only then that you are able to truly commit to the pilgrimage and to the walk on the Girivalam path."

The youngest of the three brothers, Bhaskar, asked, "Swamy, how can one do that? How can one simply forget all his worries and problems? How can one forget his happiness, just like that? What is the need to do so? We are here, to dedicate ourselves to the sacred Arunachala, and I understand that. Whenever we walk on the sacred Girivalam path, we are truly devoted to the divinity. We chant the mantra as we were instructed to. We follow all the precautions and the practices. Is that not enough? Why should we clean up and wash out our mind in the manner in which you explained? Pray, forgive me for my questions, but I am curious and your answers would help me."

"I fail in my attempt to cleanse myself, all the time," Mr. Alavandar replied, smiling, "I understand your questions and your concern. I have never succeeded in forgetting everything. I try. Because I know that this is required, I make the attempt. If you would not know, how would you try to forget and how would you be humble in the beginning of the path? We come with our assumptions about our importance. Believe me, for I know this to be very true. We are nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nobody knows us, and nobody is interested in us, in our thoughts or in our lives. Even within our families, friends or colleagues, nobody is actually interested. They listen to our experiences when we speak about them. But, they are impatient to get on with their daily tasks and with their lives."

"Let me give you an example. You go to the Sri Ramanashram with me and let us visit the book stall. Let me explain the Ashtavakra Gita book that is available there. I will explain some of the passages in those pages to you, while we would be at the book stall. How many of the other devotees who are there, in that book stall, actually interested in that particular book, would be actually interested in hearing me trying to explain it? None. They would purchase that book, but how would they understand it? For all this, you need a teacher. Similarly, when you are on the Girivalam path, you need a teacher. And you need instructions."

Kuchela, the eldest of the three brothers, said, "Yes, Swamy, I agree. I have never been able to read even the Bhagavad Gita, from the first page to the last, all by myself. There have been many different volumes of the Gita in our house. But, none of us sat down seriously to read it from cover to cover. And, I am not able to understand that we need a teacher, and instructions when we are on the Girivalam path. How is that?"

Mr. Alavandar laughed at the example that Kuchela spoke about, and replied, "Yes, my brothers, what I say is correct. When you accept a teacher, you accept his guidance. When you come to the big temple of Annamalai, you are merely informing HIM that you are going to start on the path. When you leave the big temple and you start walking to the Indra Lingam temple, you are preparing yourself. Your thoughts are on your footwear, your clothes, the need for water, some snacks to be eaten and your fear for your money and other belongings. But, when you are at the Indra Lingam temple, you are actually beginning the walk. At that moment, when you worship, you accept Arunachala himself, as your teacher, as your guru."

"When you accept Arunachala, within your heart and within your mind, as your teacher, you surrender totally to HIM. There is nothing left but to accept HIS instructions. HE gives you that guarantee, and also asks you to leave behind everything, for each step on this pradakshana is going to be in dedication to HIM. Nothing belongs to you during the path and every thought and every desire should be in dedication to HIM alone. If you have to think about your family, you could have brought them with you, and you could enjoy the walk together, without any attempt at immersion with Arunachala himself. For HE is happy that you are happy and that you walk along with your loved ones, even if they are friends."

"But when you are alone, and you walk on this path," Mr. Alavandar continued, totally engrossed in his own words, "you begin to allow your mind to wander. Your mind goes back to your family, to your workplace, to your problems and to your moments of happiness and achievements. You do not contemplate the sacred divinity of Arunachala. Why do you come here, if you cannot actually be here, in mind and spirit? That is the reason I take up much time at the beginning here, at Indra Lingam, lost in my thought and deliberately washing everything away. I sit there and contemplate on my thoughts, and pick them up, one by one, and throw them away. I try to reach a point where I do not have any more thoughts. But, I have never succeeded. I try and try again. But, this most difficult struggle with myself, at the beginning of the Girivalam path, is the most tiresome. It defeats me completely."

Gopinath asked, amazed, "You never succeed? Then, if you have tried so many times, how can we succeed? Why do you try so many times when you know that it is difficult?"

Mr. Alavandar replied, "It is not the defeat that puzzles me. It is the struggle that amazes me. I know that I want to dump my thoughts. I know that I want to reach a silent place in my mind. I know that I am ready to forget and dump all my baggage. But, I fail. Why can I not empty myself? Am I so obstinate? Is my mind a very different organism? And, as I walk out of the Indra Lingam temple, I make one last attempt. I forget this struggle also. I leave the battle with my mind at the Indra Lingam temple. I go out of this temple as a happy man. I have tried. I am ready to go out there, and surrender to my beloved Arunachala. Come, let us walk out together and breathe in the amazing air that finds its way from the sacred peak and comes in search of us and blesses us."

Indra

Arunachala Shiva!!! My thoughts ride on the swift wind, to you…

“Arunachala!” She exclaimed, “May the blessings of the Vayu Lingam be upon me!”

Dipika raised her hands together in salute, in prayer, gesturing towards the Vayu Lingam temple as she approached. She had walked swiftly with her son and daughter since the morning, not stopping at any of the ashtalingams on the Girivalam path. This was her normal routine, once in two months, to journey in from Tirupati by the night bus, visit the Annamalai temple for a quick prayer, do a rapid 2-3 hour pradakshana, go into the temple for a relaxed darshan, and take the night bus for the return journey. An athlete by training, as were her children, and in excellent fitness, she was content to complete the pradakshana as a personal goal, every two months.

Usually accompanied by her adult children, Dipika could outdo both of them at speed walking even at 51 years of age. Her daughter was getting slower each year, she had remarked, since dropping out of competitive hockey. Her son was a total non-athlete now, she thought. IF not for the bi-monthly compulsory rounds around the sacred Arunachala, they would be too happy to avoid any form of strenuous walking. Speed was a qualifying factor for her. Dipika measured her status in life by the speed and stamina that she demonstrated in walking on the Girivalam path. Once in a while, if she were to be accompanied by newcomers to Tiruvannamalai, she would take them into each of the ashtalingams on the path for a quick prayer, or a brief spot of rest, while she would fume impatiently to herself.

It was only 8.00 a.m. and she had started from the temple at about 6.30 a.m. The clouds had hidden the sacred peak of Arunachala, preventing her from gazing upon her beloved Shiva as she would often on earlier pradakshanas. As she approached the Vayu Lingam temple, Dipika’s daughter asked her to stop for a while as she was thirsty and wanted to get a tender coconut. Instantly, her son also declared that he was tired, so the three of them could get tender coconuts and take a break at the Vayu Lingam temple. For Dipika, this was akin to inefficiency. It was only a fifteen kilometer walk, and one should just complete it. That was that. Thirst or tiredness was not part of her routine. But since it was to be a break at one of the ashtalingams, she could not refuse. Grabbing at one of the tender coconuts, she drank hastily and went inside the Vayu Lingam temple to worship.

The Vayu Lingam temple is very unlike the Yama Lingam, Niruthi Lingam or the Varuna Lingam temples. The outer sanctum area is not as extensive as the others. There are very few places for one to sit relaxedly. Dipika chose one of the only two locations in the anterior from where one could sit and gaze at the sacred peak of Arunachala Shiva. Her son and daughter were chatting with the tender-coconut vendor. An elderly man, sitting near the small shanty, possibly the lady vendor’s husband or father or brother, sat nearby, waiting to pick up the coconut, if Dipika was to throw it anywhere on the temple premises. Her daughter anticipating Dipika’s impatience came up and took the coconut and dropped it in a bin near the shanty in front of the temple.

Just then, the clouds began to move around the sacred peak of Arunachala. They were moving about, around the peak. The dawn light had come and gone when she had been walking from the Agni Lingam temple to the Yama Lingam temple. She could see a number of foreigners grouped together, waiting to get the early dawn photographs of Arunachala between Sri Ramanashram and the Yama Lingam temple. They should have been here, she thought, watching the clouds play about and around Arunachala. The clouds did not seem to want to move away from Shiva, she said to herself, smiling.

Dipika was sad within herself, watching the clouds and the sacred peak of Arunachala. She could sense her thoughts, and she could sense that she wanted to speak about what she felt at the sight, but who could she share it with? Her children would mock her. They would get back to Tirupati and tell the 200 or more relatives in her very extended family that their mother was getting poetic or crazy while on the Girivalam path. She looked around, and there were only one another in the temple. The priest at the Vayu Lingam temple was the only other person, and he was busy. Whom could she talk to? Her daughter came up to her and said that she would take a quick nap now, since they seemed to be resting. Instantly, as always, her son also declared his intention to take a nap. Dipika was irritated but she understood their plight. They must have stayed awake in the bus journey through the night and must be very tired.

Whom could she talk to? The lady coconut-vendor was busy and she would not move away from her shop. There was only the elderly man sitting at the shop, silently, watching out for people littering at the shop or at the temple premises. There were no other options. He would have to do, Dipika thought, and gestured for him to get her another tender-coconut. Smiling, at getting some action, he bounded up and got a coconut from the lady and brought it over. There! Dipika thought, now she had him. She asked him, “Enna Periappa, how come I am not able to see the sacred peak of Arunachala as yet, clearly, though dawn is long gone, and it is not winter or monsoon days?”

The elderly man looked up at the sacred peak and the clouds covering the upper slopes, and said, “That is the magic of Arunachala! HE decides if HE wants you to see HIM or not! It is that simple. It has nothing to do with the monsoon or winter, day or night. On some nights, I have seen the sacred upper slopes of Arunachala, glistening in the moonlight. On some stormy days, when I could not see the Girivalam path, due to heavy rain, I could only see the uppermost peak, dry and clear in the noon sun that struck it from above. How would we know why HE stays hidden or decides to come out and show HIMSELF?”

As he stood patiently near her, waiting for her to drink all the tender coconut water, Dipika asked him, “But, there is no wind out there, at all! The clouds are not moving and not going away. Look at the trees, the coconut trees. They are all still, absolutely still. Why is it so strangely quiet? I cannot hear any birds, not even crows. Even the dogs are in hiding. There are not many devotees walking about today! Have you seen such a day, Periappa? You seem to be very old and wise, old man, and you must have lived all your years in the shadow of Arunachala. Do you feel blessed enough to know why it is so quiet?”

The elderly man sat down near Dipika, resting himself against one of the pillars of the Vayu Lingam temple. He said, “Blessed? Blessed, did you say? I have never noticed if we are different from those who are as poor as we are, from those who live in other places and sell tender coconut water. Somedays we are happy and somedays we are sad. Sometimes we have very bad problems. Our son is in Chennai, and he sells flowers near the Parthasarathy temple at Triplicane. He is married and lives in a small hut that he has made for himself behind his shop. At night, his children sleep in the shop. We must be blessed, we feel, on some days. Then I see you and other devotees walk here on the Girivalam path. I see your devotion and I see the intent on the faces of old and young. I do not understand it myself.”

“Somedays I think I should go on a pilgrimage somewhere else,” he continued, “I want to understand it, that brings so many people here to Arunachala is. Every day is the same for me here, and yet, every day is different. I have begun to recognize some of the regular devotees over the years now. I have seen you before. This is the first time that you have stopped to get tender coconut water from us. There is one man who gives me a hundred rupees, each time that he comes on the Girivalam path. I had picked up a coconut that he had thrown. Since then, he gives me a hundred rupees each time that he comes. Because of him, I know that the month has gone by, for he comes only once in a month. I have never noticed that the wind has stopped moving about on Arunachala. I do not notice things like that.”

Dipika was happy just to listen to him speak. She felt the same at Tirumala and Tirupati. So many hundreds of thousands of pilgrims came to Tirupati every day. They came to see the deity for a view of less than five minutes, or 2-3 minutes for some. It was merely the journey, she thought. She came here, each month, just for the journey, to visit the temple and walk on the Girivalam path. She had never had any exclusive prayer or special requests to Arunachala. To give credit to her children, they had never questioned her for her journeys to Tiruvannamalai, and they had never refused to accompany her on the pilgrimage or on the Girivalam path. The elderly man must also be feeling the same sort of thoughts that she and others felt at Tirupati and Tirumala.

She asked the elderly man, “How can you not notice the wind, Periappa? You are at the Vayu Lingam temple! If there is any place in the world where you must absolutely notice the presence or absence of wind, it must be here! For, this is the Vayu Lingam temple, where the god of wind, Vayu, himself, is supposed to have rendered prayers to Lord Shiva. He is one of the strongest guardians of the directions among the eight dikapalas. We cannot even live if there would be no wind!”

The elderly man laughed and said, “Yes! You are correct! How can we search for the wind when we are already at the Vayu Lingam temple? I have never thought in this manner. We are here, every day, in service to all the devotees and pilgrims who come walking on the Girivalam path. For us, the sacred peak of Arunachala is in front of us all the time. There are clouds in the upper slopes on some days, and on other days, there are none. Does it make Arunachala any different? Do you get any special blessings if you can see HIM, and do you get denied from blessings, if you cannot see HIM? I have never thought like this. For me, and my old lady, and for those like us, from this land, HE is there. That is absolute. Why do we need to question that just because of clouds, rain, wind or lightning?”

Dipika looked at the elderly man with respect. He spoke so profoundly and with such splendid clarity. Yet, he spoke in a very simple language. She thought back to all the great vidhwans who came to Tirupati, including sages and seers who spoke for hours at the special sessions organized by the local institutions. They wore special dresses, and were given tremendous respect, and there would usually be very restrictive protocol about them. There were some who disliked being touched, and there were others who would actually keep a ring of junior sages around them to prevent close contact. They explained godly matters using very complicated verse. This elderly man was very different, simple and direct.

This was the magic of Arunachala, she thought to herself, and the joy of being on the Girivalam path. You could speak to anyone and one could learn about various aspects through simple anecdotes or statements. She spoke again, to the elderly man, “You are very correct, Periappa. A few clouds cannot hide Arunachala. However sine we are here at the Vayu Lingam temple, and Vayu is one of the eight guardians of the directions, I wondered if there was anything significant in the aspect of the absence of wind on the higher slopes. My questions were merely in humour. How would it matter to the aspect of the Vayu Lingam temple and his prowess and strength? Yesterday, I was at Tiruvannamalai, and I saw an old sadhu near the Agni Lingam temple being given some food by a foreigner. For him, it was the only thing that mattered. Whether he got any food for the day or not? Would he wonder if he would get food because there were any clouds, or if there was any wind? Certainly not, I guess.”

The elderly man smiled and pointed at the priest at the Vayu Lingam temple, and replied, “What do you think that the priest sees? From where he stands, he cannot see the upper slopes of Arunachala. Each time he turns around, he sees the inner sanctum of the Vayu Lingam, and he sees the Lingam, and nothing else. His entire dedications, all the prayers that he recites, are all in appreciation to Shiva. But, each time that he turns away, he sees the devotees standing there, trusting him to convey their prayers to Shiva. He sees the Vayu Lingam, multiplied in the eyes of every devotee. But, do you know the unique mathematical riddle that he wonders about every day?”

Laughing heartily to himself, the elderly man continued, “You and other devotees on the sacred Girivalam path certainly do proclaim that Arunachala Shiva is within the heart of every devotee. That HE is deep within us, when we are in HIS shadow, below the sacred peak. If that is to be true, then how does the priest at every temple resolve the riddle of seeing the Shiva Lingam reflected in each eye of every devotee facing the inner sanctum? If one sees Shiva in each eye of a devotee, is he twice-born within each devotee? These are questions that we make up for ourselves, and these are questions that do not have answers. We make up these questions and we will look wise only if we give complex answers. For me, HE is there, and HE is here, with me and with you. That’s all that matters.”

Dipika smiled in acceptance. How could one agree or argue? It was just a simple statement from a person who was not dismayed that years of presence in the shadow of the sacred Arunachala had not resulted in any exceptional material benefits. He simply accepted Shiva without any question and without any demand. There was no dilution. Again, she thought back to her children. They had never argued with her on the occasions that she brought them with her to Tiruvannamalai or took them along to Tirumala or Shirdi. They did not seem to get excited or content or blissful during these pilgrimages. She had herself never thought about any significant change that had come over her due to these journeys. Perhaps her children were also as minimalistic in their dedication to deities, as was this elderly man.

At that moment, two cars drove up speedily and came to a halt at the Vayu Lingam temple. A group of 7-8 men, dressed in visibly stylish all-white clothes stepped out, decked in gold necklaces, gold wristwatches and thick gold rings on several fingers. Must be a group of rich businessmen, she thought. They rushed into the temple, worshipped at the Vayu Lingam, touched the sacred ash to their foreheads, placed considerable amounts of money on the plate containing the sacred ash and rushed out to their vehicles and were gone. Their entire visit must not have been more than 2-3 minutes.

The elderly man sighed, and spoke, “What would you say to this? They come on this extra super fast visit, going to all the ashtalingams on the Girivalam path, worshipping Shiva in such a rapid manner. They come every month and they do not spend any additional time on the path. Once, one of their drivers said that they were all from Puducheri, but had businesses all over Tamil Nadu. They had come together on the first occasion on a surprise visit, while driving through Coimbatore or Salem. Subsequently, their businesses began to prosper. They meet up somewhere and they drive in, visit all the ashtalingams and Annamalai at the big temple and they get back to wherever they came from. Why do they benefit and become very rich when they do not contemplate on the sacred Arunachala in a peaceful manner? Why does my old lady continue to sell coconuts in spite of being here, in the shadow of the sacred Arunachala for all her life? Should I place the blame on Arunachala Shiva?”

Dipika nodded in agreement, and thought to herself, ‘He is so correct! I have been an athlete over so many years. Have I won races or matches only because of Shiva’s blessings? If it were to be so, would he not be wrong to bless only one player or one team? Gazing at the higher slopes of the sacred Arunachala, she said, “You are very right, Periappa! It does not matter if we are going to prosper because of Shiva’s blessings. It is sufficient for us to retain our belief in HIM and ensure that we come back to HIM, whether on the Girivalam path, or in our homes, or within ourselves. Our defeat to HIM is our victory. I come back on the path, again and again, not knowing what to expect. I come, carrying all my burden of troubles, worries, fights and all the bad events that have occurred to me. I come here and hand them over to Arunachala. HE takes them all away from me without any question.”

“I think that is the only guarantee. That HE will be here, that as we go around HIM, I know that I have to only turn towards my right, and I can see him all the while. I can tell him to take away all my troubles. Beyond every single day, is the aspect of Arunachala Shiva, and I know that he will call me, to come to HIM, and take me in HIS embrace and forgive me, nurture me and allow me to live in his shadow, in only one single relationship. Me and HIM. That is the only truth.”

Vayu

Arunachala Shiva!!! My loved ones journey back, to you…

“Arunachala!” She spoke unknowingly, “Are you there for all my loved ones?”

Kalpana was excited at this new and very amazing journey of discovery that she had begun, all by herself. This was the first occasion that she was on a journey, so far away from her family and her work and friends, all by herself. Alone! Wow! Somehow she had managed to get away from everyone on this very different journey to Tiruvannamalai. Her cousin had put her up to an appreciation and understanding of Arunachala, Bhagwan Sri Ramana Maharshi and about the Girivalam Path. A walk of fifteen kilometers? She could do that, she had told herself. And now, she was here, at Tiruvannamalai, and on the Girivalam Path.

She had been offered two choices, of starting on the Girivalam Path, from the Annamalai temple, or from Sri Ramanashram. She had chosen the latter, as she was staying at a private lodge near the ashram. They day before had been entirely taken up by the activities at the ashram. Her mind had just exploded at the feelings that had come over her, and she was unable to place any manner of definition or any form of understanding of what was happening to her. The meditation halls had been the most amazing part of the time that she had spent at the ashram. This was the first occasion in her life that she had sat among so many people who were serious about silence and meditation.

Today, Kalpana had been at Sri Ramanashram in the early dawn, and had begun walking by 7 a.m. and stopped for prayers at the Yama Lingam temple and the Niruthi Lingam temple. She had started alone, but since it was a Sunday, and because there were many other random devotees at the temples or along the Girivalam Path, Kalpana did not feel alone by herself on the pradakshana. A family of four from Chennai was walking with her from the Yama Lingam temple, and later, they had been joined by a group of six women from Andhra Pradesh while at the Niruthi Lingam temple. Somehow, Kalpana was adopted by the family and the group of women.

They had arrived at the Varuna Lingam temple by 8.30 a.m., walking at a comfortable pace, without tiring themselves. There were other groups of pilgrims at the temple, sitting at different locations in the outer sanctum. It seemed like a good moment and place to sit for a while and gaze at the sacred peak. It had been cloudy in the early hours, but now, at the Varuna Lingam temple, Kalpana could look at Arunachala and understand the peace that came about her. Every glance provided a different perspective of the sacred peak. As she gazed, and sensed the happiness, she was content that she was on the Girivalam path today. Strangers all, but companions on the path. It was beginning to get more and more exhilarating within her, and she was happy and content.

She went up to the inner sanctum of the Varuna Lingam temple and worshipped along with the others. It was a splendid experience, gazing at the Shiva Lingam within. She had felt the same happiness at the Yama Lingam and Niruthi Lingam temples. Kalpana had never felt like this before, and she wondered about it. Why was she so very happy? How did this feeling come upon herself? She had accompanied her parents to temples in New Delhi with her sisters, and later, with her children. On visits to Chennai, meeting her parents’ cousins, brothers and sisters, during weddings or extended visits, she had gone with them to temples and had waited patiently or impatiently for the visits to get over. But, this was different. This was a trip that she had wanted to be on, and she wanted to sponge all the experiences within her. She had been to the big temple and had gazed upon Annamalai yesterday, and later at the two sanctums at the Sri Ramanashram. The panorama of the temple and the ashram, the devotees, the visible peace and happiness on everyone had amazed her. Was it always like this? Why had she not noticed it earlier?

The family of four from Chennai and the six ladies from Andhra Pradesh were seated at a corner. They were sharing some bananas and lemon rice among themselves. One of the ladies offered some rice and a banana to Kalpana who accepted it thankfully. She had been feeling hungry and had been wondering if she would have to sit up at any of the ‘tiffin kadai’ along the Girivalam path. Was it allowed? Perhaps it was ok to eat while on the Girivalam path. She would survive the entire path and complete the pradakshana, now, with some food within her, she smiled to herself.

As she sat content, Kalpana became aware of someone sitting close to her, staring at her and watching her intently. Disturbed, she turned away from her newly found friends to look for the intruder. An oldish bald man sitting nearby was watching her silently. Instinctively, she thought, who was this ugly looking bald guy? Why was this short and fat man staring at her? Kalpana looked at him curiously, while eating her lemon rice. The man seemed to have got encouraged, for he stood up and walked up to her. She could barely stop herself from breaking up in laughter, for he looked absolutely out of sorts, and was out of breath in the very effort of standing up and sitting down.

The dysfunctional looking man spoke to Kalpana, “You seem to be very happy with yourself, smiling and thinking. My apologies for disturbing you like this. Your happiness is very obvious. You seem to have been seeing Arunachala, again and again!” She was surprised. Why was this strange man talking to her, as though he knew her from a long time? He did not seem to be embarrassed at all. Back at home in New Delhi, in her school or college or in her south Delhi neighbourhood, boys would not have had the guts to talk to her or any girl without proper introductions. Especially not oldish, fat, balding or ugly uncles! They would never have had the courage to talk to younger women.

One of the ladies from Andhra Pradesh replied to the strange bald man, “Seeing Arunachala again and again? How do you say that, Prabhuji?” Kalpana was startled. Why was this lady replying to him and encouraging him? Why was she treating him with respect? Why was she giving him an honorific, as ‘Prabhuji’? Who was he? Was he some sort of a Swami or a Sage? She looked at him more closely. For all his unpleasant appearance, he seemed very different. He had several Tulasi-malas around his neck, diamond ear-rings that were designed like crocodiles, turmeric and crimson coloured thick cords of twine around his wrists. Must be a holy man, of some sort, thought Kalpana.

“She is very different from you all, she has a very distinctive appearance of peace and happiness,” He said, “This lady is unlike you. She is extremely happy at this moment. She keeps looking at Arunachala, all the while that she has been sitting here at the Varuna Lingam temple. Each time that she looks at Arunachala, the sacred Arunachala, it seems like a love story, a story that seems to become better every time she gazes up again at our beloved Arunachala.” Kalpana was surprised. Was this strange-looking man talking about her? How did he realize that the happiness in her face was entirely different from the others with her? Nobody had spoken to her in this manner before, and she knew in her heart of hearts that she had certainly not been totally happy for some years now.

Kalpana felt guilty. How could she have been so happy about herself? So many of her loved ones, those closest to her, had gone ahead to the great temple in the heavens. She had stayed happy and courageous, for the sake of her sisters and children. She had carried her emotions and sorrow within herself and allowed herself a life that was as normal as it could be. This was the most unusual thing that she had ever done in her life. Even her children had been surprised at her decision to go all by herself from Delhi to Tiruvannamalai, and to walk on the Girivalam path. With all the weight inside her, and all those memories, how could this stranger have seen so much happiness within her?

The ladies from Andhra Pradesh had gathered around the strange looking man and were chatting among themselves. He pointed to the sacred peak and said, “It is said that one must walk on the pradakshana with humility. One must exercise devotion as one proceeds. One must be silent so as to listen to oneself. This lady, who travels with you on the Girivalam path, is a very different person from most other devotees. The six of you, the family here, the other devotees, the priest and the local villagers, you are all familiar with Arunachala, with the great Annamalai temple and Bhagwan Sri Ramana Maharshi. So many people come here, after they get to know about the reason to be here. They think that they understand. We think that we understand. We are not wrong. It is our manner of devotion.”

Kalpana was fascinated. Some part of her had never questioned the reason for traveling from New Delhi to Tiruvannamalai. Her sister had helped her fly out to Chennai. A cousin brother had helped her get a taxi to Tiruvannamalai. There had been no hassles at all. A decision made suddenly had become a journey within 24 hours. It was amazing. There had been many journeys that she had made with her parents, her sisters and her family. They had all been perfect journeys, sometimes into the Himalayas. But, they had all been planned for weeks, and some had taken months of anticipation. What had made her decide? An accidental and unexpected mention by a cousin about the temple and the Girivalam pradakshana, and here she was.

The strange looking man was speaking. “But, look at her. Everything that she sees,” He said, “She smiles at. She saw you eating lemon rice, and I saw her smiling. You shared it with her, and she did not hesitate. She accepted it happily. She looked up at Arunachala, as though it was a miracle! That someone she did know yesterday, was sharing food with her, and she accepted it. Each time she ate something, she looked up at the sacred Arunachala, and smiled and was happier and happier. Watching her, I saw Arunachala in her. It was amazing.”

Kalpana was curious about the strange looking man. The family from Chennai had begun to walk out of the Varuna Lingam temple. They would be walking slowly. She could catch up with them. The women from Andhra Pradesh were also getting ready to move on. Kalpana did not want to go without talking to the strange looking man. But she did not want to give up on her new friends. She would have to walk alone, she worried. Why not walk alone, she thought. She had come all the way to be alone by herself. She gestured to the six women and said, “You go ahead. I will sit here, talk to Prabhuji for some time, and will be back on the pradakshana after some time. God willing, we may meet again on the Girivalam path or at the Sri Ramanashram or at the temple.”

She sat close to the strange looking man and greeting him with a respectful Namaste and said, “Prabhuji, I do not know you at all! Honestly, the first time that you spoke, I was in panic and frightened. I was also angry. May I know who are you? How is it that you are able to remark on my happiness? Is it so wrong to be happy? Is it wrong to watch Arunachala with so much contentment and happiness? You do not know anything about me. Barely, 2-3 days ago, I would never have believed it if anyone would have said that I could be so much at peace just by looking at a mountain. How can this mountain be different from any other? I have seen so many mountains in the Himalayas.”

The strange looking man smiled and Kalpana could see that he had very obviously protruding teeth, and disturbingly, had strange yellowish red eyes. He answered, “My dear girl, what do you see, when you watch me? I can see it in your eyes. You see a fat, bald, ugly and short man, and just now you noticed my teeth and my eyes. Do you try to measure all these details when I mention that I noticed your happiness? Did you try to examine me and come to any judgement about whether I was happy or not? When the priest conducted the prayers for you, did you notice if he was happy? When the lady gave her share of lemon rice to you, did you wonder if she was happy?”

“Most of the time we go on with our lives, measuring people with what we see from their appearance, clothes, manner of speech and perhaps, their affluence or poverty.” He continued, “Rarely do we notice if they are happy. Do you know the secret to this? It is deep within us. Each time that you see Arunachala, as you walk, as you sit, as you rest and as you pray or chant, you pull HIM out, you take HIM within you, deep within you. The moment HE is within you, it is then that you realize that HE is within the other person too. Every step that you take on this Girivalam path, you see him within the others that you meet. You realize that the cows that graze on the slopes of Arunachala are the most fortunate. The birds that fly into the forests of Arunachala, and perch on the trees there are very blessed. The wind that blows out through the clouds and the water that flows down, brings HIS blessings to everyone.”

Kalpana listened to him in fascination. Nobody had spoken to her with such clarity before. Just by looking at Arunachala, just by that, could Shiva be residing within her? Was HE the cause of her happiness? Similarly, was HE within every devotee that came here? What would happen if Shiva was within her? How would that matter? Would her life change, suddenly? Could she tell anybody back home, at Delhi, at her workplace? Would they not laugh at her? Her questions and doubts must have been very obvious, for the strange looking man smiled with affection.

“My daughter!” He said, “There are those who do not believe in God, and there are those who may doubt his blessings. They are the truly fortunate. They are more blessed than you or me. They are already blessed and therefore they do not search for HIM in all his many forms or manifestations. There is nothing complicated in all this. Do not worry about it. I can sense a very dark cloud of sorry, worry and trepidation that you keep going back to. And then, you get back to joy and happiness. Both are true. Our memories are our most unforgiving friends in our lives. But, without our memories, how would we remember the most precious moments in our lives?”

Kalpana nodded, and said, “True, Prabhuji, sometimes I want to sleep for long hours, and not wake up, so that I can be within my memories. I talk to the loved ones who have gone ahead, and sometimes I cannot sleep. I do not want to get lost in my memories. I know that they are not real. I have never sat in meditation and I have never been in search of silence. But, yesterday, when I sat with so many others in a small room to meditate, I was amazed. I could sit silently. At first, I heard all the sounds of the ashram, and heard the sounds of the people moving about in the meditation room. After a while, I was silent. There were no memories. I sat silently, wondering.”

“I went back today, early morning, and sat for some more time. Again, I found silence. Once or twice, I heard the peafowl outside the room, but they did not seem to be disturbing. Then I realized, that the sounds of the peafowl were not sounds. They are meant to be as they are. The noise that people make, the sound of traffic, the sound of people talking, all these, are not sounds. They are meant to be as they are.  It is the noise that I make within myself, that is the most frightening of all! I am able to understand that, as I walk on the Girivalam path. And each time that I look upon Arunachala, I do not search for Shiva. And when I realize that I do not need to search for Shiva, I do not need to make an effort to sit and drown myself with my memories, I see both! I see silence! Can you see silence? Is that possible, Prabhuji?”

The strange looking man laughed and his crocodile-design diamond ear-rings sparkled in the sunlight that hit him. He exclaimed, “Arunachala! Arunachala! Your ways are mysterious and yet are so very child-like. O Shiva! O Maheshwara! So many years on this path have I worshipped you, O Rameshwara! So many years have I sought you! And you have blessed this daughter of yours in so many magical ways? She did not even know you, and she did not even seek you! Yet, you have pulled her to your embrace and allowed her to gaze upon you within herself!”

He placed his hands together in reverence, and spoke to Kalpana, “My daughter, you are truly blessed. For you have a question that none can answer. Can one see silence? I do not know. O daughter of Shiva! Keep walking, go slowly, and go alone, without any disturbance. Keep looking at the sacred Arunachala. Ask HIM yourself. If HE agrees, I will meet you somewhere, sometime. Pray, bless me with the answer. Go. Be happy as you are. May all your loved ones journey back to HIM, and rest in HIM.”  

Varuna on Makara