the Great Khan of the high mountains and his many tales

the great Khan gives his word to the Lala

The great Khan was sitting with his friends at the caravan serai, somewhere at the crossroads of the Karakoram highway, and one of his friends asked him, "O great Khan, what is your actual age?"

The great Khan replied, "Oye Lala, I am 32 years old."

Some years later, when the group of friends met again at the caravan serai, the same friend asked again, "O great Khan, what is your age now?"

The great Khan replied, "Oya Lala, I am 32 years old."

The friend, stunned, asked, "O great Khan, some years ago you told me that you were 32 years old, and yet, after so many years, you continue to be 32?"

The great Khan, simple of living, and honest in his heart, replied, "Oye Lala, I am the great Khan. Once I give you my word, I will never change it."

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the great Khan and the e-postman

The postman was known to be totally terrified to walk in front of the great Khan's house, in this 21st century. The great Khan would hide, in waiting, for the postman to enter the street in front of his house, and would pounce on the poor hapless chap and scold him and shout at him. 

The great Khan's neighbour, a soft-spoken grocer, and a good sympathetic friend of the postman, finally dared to confront the great Khan and asked, "O great Khan, why do you harass the poor postman thus? You have never received any mail and nobody writes to you, and yet, you catch him every day and scold him so badly."

The great Khan respected this soft-spoken grocer, his neighbour and a good man, and therefore, spoke with grace, "O Lalaji, this postman is a fraud. He takes me to be a fool in this modern age. My grandson has a computer and he talks to everyone around the world, and he said that I have a mail account now that he has made for me. And, he keeps saying that somehow, it is certain that I will get at least 10 to 15 mails each day. But, this postman, never delivers..."

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the great Khan and his mother-in-law's drunk lover

The great Khan's mother-in-law, a demonic woman, once remarked to her husband, "O look, that old crazy man is back on our street, drunk and singing out loudly, as he usually does." The great Khan's father-in-law, an innocent idiot, asked his wife, "Who is this old crazy man? He does come each week, drunk, and seems to burst into song and dance when he comes near our house."

The great Khan's demonic mother-in-law replied, "He used to court me when we were young. He wanted to marry me. Since our wedding, he has become a drunk." The great Khan's father-in-law remarked, aghast, "Oye begum, this old crazy man seems to have been celebrating his freedom since then. No wonder he comes to our house each week, having drunk to his freedom, and comes over and dances and sings out his joy."

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the Great Khan and 100 camels

An excellent example of men minding their own business - The great Khan and his wife were traveling in Arabia, returning from their pilgrimage. A local scoundrel approached the husband, and spoke, "O old and noble Pathan, from the great mountains, I see that your woman is worthy of being left behind in this great place of pilgrimage, and you can return to your lands, well and truly convinced that you have sacrificed someone whom you dearly want to give away to this land of pilgrimage. I will give you 100 camels for your woman."

After a long silence, the great Khan spoke, “She is not for sale.”

The indignant woman skulked and screamed at the great Khan, “What took you so long to answer?”

The great Khan replied, “Mind your own business, woman. I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

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the Great Khan and the great holy man

The great Khan went to a spiritual gathering in the city below the mountains where his village was, high up in the clouds. The spiritual gathering was being addressed by a great holy man who had traveled from a long way off. The great holy man and his disciples had been strictly instructed to be careful of the crazy people from high up in the mountains who would have crazy questions. It would be better if the great holy man would not waste time answering them, and should just try and prevent them from entering the gathering. 

The great holy man did not want to do so, but did not want to disappoint or anger his hosts, from the army regiment in the village in the plains. So, he asked his disciples to be at the gates and ask a simple question to the people from the high mountains, and allow them to enter only if they gave good answers. 

Thus, when the great Khan came to the spiritual gathering, the disciples of the great holy man explained that new rules were in place to ensure that only those who would deserve spiritual blessings would be allowed. Since all army men fought for their country, they were all automatically allowed to enter, as they needed spiritual blessings. Second, since all officers and elected people served the nation, they were also automatically allowed to enter. Because nobody knew what the people in the hidden villages of the high mountains did, they would have to answer some simple questions. 

The great Khan agreed to be questioned. The first question was asked - "Name two days of the week that begin with “T”. The army men, officers and elected people from the plains knew the great Khan very well, and were terrified of him. But, they knew that he was a very simple person, and were curious to know how he would answer. The senior army officer protested with the great holy man, saying that it was a very easy answer. The great holy man replied, "let's see... if the great Khan would give a simple answer or a profound answer."

The great Khan thought for a few minutes, and answered, since he had heard his grandson, from his sixth son, a smart boy, read and explain his textbooks to his mother, and said "There are two days of the week that begin with "T" and they are, - Today and Tomorrow."

The great holy man was very happy and satisfied. He turned to the army men and said, "see... that is a very complex answer. It could have been very simple. He could have just said, Tuesday and Thursday... instead... he captured the essence of the mythical nature of time... and said, that there is only - Today, and Tomorrow."

The great Khan was not done, though. He insisted with the great holy man that it was the turn of the senior army officer to also answer a profound question. The senior army officer agreed... for, he knew, that if he would refuse, the great Khan would keep talking about this day for several days to come. The great holy man would have returned, but, the great Khan would always be there, in the villages hidden in the high mountains, telling his tale to all his brothers and relatives, and they would all be laughing. 

So, the great holy man asked the senior army officer - "Ok... I will ask another simple question... How many seconds are there in a year?"

The senior army officer was puzzled. Would he have to count the seconds? 60 seconds made a minute, and 60 minutes made an hour... hmmmm.... he thought... No. There would have to be a profound answer. He remembered that he had heard his grandson, a smart boy, read and explain something from the internet, and said, "O Holy Man, there are 12 seconds in a year."

"Explain..." said the holy man... and all the learned men waited with eager expectation, to hear this great wisdom, and so did the great Khan... 

The senior army officer answered, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc…” 

The holy man smiled...

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the Great Khan and the serai owner's daughter

The great Khan and his wife and eight sons came down from the mountains in Baluchistan to meet his brother in the plains. They went to eat at the nearest serai and enjoyed their meal splendidly. The great Khan was very effusive and loud in his praise for the food and the dining arrangements and made it known that if possible, he could come to dine on every other day of the year. 

The serai owner was very grateful and happy that the Great Khan was satisfied with the meal. He said that the Great Khan could come to dine on every day of the year and could dine without paying for anything. The proviso was that the Great Khan had to marry the Serai owner's daughter. 

The Great Khan was happy about the marriage proposal but refused very politely, saying that he would have loved to get married, but his wife had just whispered that it would not do for him to get married to a girl from the plains. 

As she had explained, "the food was too oily and less spicy."