"Cutting Chai" - best, after midnight...

"Cutting Chai" (Chai = Tea) is a well accepted noun in Mumbai. The words are used inside a sentence, like, "Come, let us go and have a cutting..." or, "strong cutting is necessary after masala pao" etc, etc. Now, do not ask about Masala Pao, because that is another story. 

Every cutting-addict in Mumbai has his or her own favourite cutting-expert... from where they would get their daily fill of cutting chai. And thereby, each cutting-addict feels that the cutting-chai in other locations is not upto his or her expectations. But, truth be told, in Mumbai, there are five levels of cutting-chai experiences. These levels are from the mediocre to the expert-addict. 

The mediocre level is when one shares a cup of tea at a restaurant with another person, while in Mumbai, but feels that both have had 'cutting chai'. This is an absolutely mediocre level of assumption. The only similarity of sharing a cup of tea is in the amount of tea. The correct term in sharing a cupt of tea between two persons or two cups of tea among three persons, is "one-by-two" or, "two-by-three". 

The second level is the half cup of tea at the Irani Restaurant or an amrutulya (= Tea Stall) by reducing the amount of water. This level is known as the 'Foolish Tea Drinker level'. In this, the person goes to an Irani restaurant or an amrutulya and asks for "one paani-kum (less water) cutting". This is simply speaking, a dumber perspective. If you reduce the water, you are already down to half a cup. Now, you can't get half cup of a half cup of Tea. Lunacy. There are people who do it. Yes, honestly, there are people like that... They go to a Irani or amrutulya and share a "paani-kum" chai-cup. 

The third level is the person who goes to the footpath tea-stall, or the pavement specialist 'amrutulya' and loudly asks for "1-cutting" or, "2-cutting". Now, that again is a no-no in Mumbai to the cutting-addict. You did 3 mistakes in this one. First, you went to the tea-stall in the daytime. That was wrong. You do not need Tea in the daytime unless you had a boring boring job that regressively evolved you into an office clerk. Second, you do not drink a 'cutting' in day-time. If you need Tea, drink the entire cup, feel bad about it, get acidity, and go grow a paunch. The third mistake, is to ask for a cutting, by actually asking for a cutting. Who does that? Really, man, you never never never ask for a cutting. This is the Ignorance Level. 

The fourth level is when you ask for a cutting at night, by making the appropriate gesture, of holding your right and left forefingers in a cross, in a very subtle manner, that only the chaiwallah (= Tea shop owner or Tea server)  can notice, and by not asking for it loudly. You are going on nicely here, but you made one mistake. You asked for it in a nice restaurant, even maybe in a Irani or kaka restaurant, or even maybe in a biryani eating joint. But these are not the places to go for a cutting-addict. This is the Fake-style level. 

There you have it now. First level = Mediocre, or actually the "naya bachcha" = new child; Second level = Foolish or bewakoof; Third Level = Ignorance or "lukka"; and the Fourth Level = Fake-style or "style-maaru" = one who effects a fake style. 

The fifth level is that of the Cutting Expert. Here you do the following - 

(1) Go for a cutting at past-midnight.

(2) Eat a Pav Bhaji (= Bread /Bun + mix vegetable) or Masala Pav (= Red Chilli fried bread /bun)

(3) Go to a footpath tea hawker, preferably on a moving handcart,

(4) Act as though you know the tea hawker for the past 5-7 years or more, and 

(5) Plonk yourself on the steps of the shops closed for the night.

Here's what you do not do - 

(1) Do not ask for Tea

(2) Do not make any gestures

(3) Do not ask for strong /paani-kum /less sugar /more milk /ginger /cardamom /Tea Masala etc. 

(4) Do not ask your friends or companions if they want tea. 

You just sit on the pavement steps of the closed shops and wait. The chaiwallah knows what you need. He is the boss. His 'chokra' (= boy), who is your 'bidu' (= friend), will come to you, carrying a hot kettle of tea, steaming hot pungent milkified, heavy in sugar, dark potion tea, and with it, he will bring a wire-carrier of empty glasses. He will stand in front of you and start pouring the tea on to the glasses. He will not talk to you. You are not supposed to talk to him. He is a very busy person at that moment. Do not give him a tip. Do not pay him for the tea. 

He will pour the tea in the exact quantity for a cutting. He cannot actually see the entire glass, since he is pouring from the top. But, he knows. He knows how to tilt the heavy tea kettle just enough that there will be no spillage even from the first glass. It's an art form of Mumbai. Nobody can perfect it. The sight, the location, the smell, the sound, the lights and the act of pouring the exact amount of cutting tea, is sublime. It's perfection. 

Now its upto you. Take that glass of cutting tea and start drinking. You have seen trade at its best. You can revel in it for the moment. Sip the tea slowly, pretending that you have not noticed anything, admired nothing and appreciated nobody. You keep chatting with your friends and finish the cutting. If you want another, continue to sit at the spot. If you do not want another cutting, scram. Vacate the spot immediately. There are other cutting addicts, waiting. You get up and go up to the cart and leave your exact change. If you do not have the correct change, you wait. There is a genius at work.